Betrayel Through Worry

A friend recently told me that they like me when I’m myself, and not when I’m worrying about whether I’ll do something wrong. When I’m like that I’m just a person who is worrying, I’m holding back and therefore, not being myself.

I considered the idea and it made total sense. When I hold back on saying or doing something out of fear or worry as to how a friend, relative, or stranger would react to it, I betray who I am. I also betray the relationship I have with that person.

In this respect, I therefore feel that I have betrayed many relationships throughout the course of my life. Every time I have held my tongue or stopped myself from doing something that I wanted to do, I was essentially lying. Regardless of how great or small it was, I lied.

We are defined by the actions and words we speak as well as the relationships we cultivate. We are defined by everything we put out into the world, regardless of whether it’s true to ourselves or not.

Based upon my friends words I can assume that if I continue to worry about everything I say or do and hold back on expressing myself, then I could lose a lot of good friends and loved ones. There may be some that like the person I appear to be, but they won’t know the real me.

So do I want to be surrounded by people who don’t really know me? And do I want to be defined as something I am not? The answer to both questions is no, I don’t.

I therefore plan to remind myself of this every time I’m faced with a situation where I worry or fear being myself. Not only does it mean that my relationships with people will be more honest and stronger, but I will also be a lot happier with myself.

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